i dont think i've ever been so uncomfortable in my life.
it's not the kind of uncomfortable that comes from akward social situations and what not...
it's just my soul isnt settled. It's getting a lot better than before, but still, there are issues I know i have to deal with head on... and things i just have to become adjusted with. but it's hard. it's going to be hard. somethings may even hurt a bit. but I will press on. I have confidence that there will be peace... either I have to change, or something else has to change... maybe both.
I do know this though... im running out of time.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
----
yea its been posted once, but ill post it again..
this time, ive made up my mind
this time, im back on my grind
i know theres things in my life that imma let go starting tonight
i cant live my
i cant live my
i cant live my life this way.
-this way, dilated peoples ft kanye west
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
----
yea its been posted once, but ill post it again..
this time, ive made up my mind
this time, im back on my grind
i know theres things in my life that imma let go starting tonight
i cant live my
i cant live my
i cant live my life this way.
-this way, dilated peoples ft kanye west
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Monday, April 19, 2004
ok so i give anyone permission to shoot me. why?
cuz i started watching a korean drama, something i've sworn to myself i would never do.
ok, so which one you might ask? maybe its something really different that not too many people know about.
well.. not exactly.
it's a lil something called stairway to heaven. what kind of sappy teeny bopper have i become. (no offense to those who like it haha)
anyways, shoot me.
okok, before you do let me say something though.
miahnheh.
yea well that's that....
----
.edit.
lifehouse has done it again for me...
thanks to hansel for giving me the album so many months ago.
this time what i want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
i've seen it all
it was never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you
*take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away
I try to make my way to you
but still i feel so lost
I don't know what else i can do
cause i've seen it all
it was never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you *
don't give up on me yet
don't forget who i am
i know i'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone
-take me away, lifehouse
cuz i started watching a korean drama, something i've sworn to myself i would never do.
ok, so which one you might ask? maybe its something really different that not too many people know about.
well.. not exactly.
it's a lil something called stairway to heaven. what kind of sappy teeny bopper have i become. (no offense to those who like it haha)
anyways, shoot me.
okok, before you do let me say something though.
miahnheh.
yea well that's that....
----
.edit.
lifehouse has done it again for me...
thanks to hansel for giving me the album so many months ago.
this time what i want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
i've seen it all
it was never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you
*take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away
I try to make my way to you
but still i feel so lost
I don't know what else i can do
cause i've seen it all
it was never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you *
don't give up on me yet
don't forget who i am
i know i'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone
-take me away, lifehouse
Thursday, April 15, 2004
yea ive been worse but ive also been much better than this/
heh, whatever this is, its not really letting me live/
its got my head in a twist, a burden way too heavy to lift/
and now i steadily drift and im just about ready to give...
UP! yea thats where id certainly prefer my spirits to be/
but i feel like im nearing defeat and so im here on my knees...
i dunno what to do, could You show Your face and voice?/
otherwise i think im screwed, cuz i could never make this choice/
so i gotta face the noise, cuz in life, there isn't always music/
i wanna start from where You are, and also follow through it/
to be continued....
----
-edit-
once again, this one's for you....
Four Seasons Later (now times 2)
Hi-Fi
sometimes i wish i knew a way to communicate with you/
but i can only imagine, what you would say or do/
its hard to face the truth but im doing it now/
im looking at the sky speaking to you in the clouds/
and truly no doubt, i know you would be proud/
cuz ya familys being strong and still moving about/
but regardless of this, a big part of you lives/
in ya lil girl's soul, in the heart of ya miss/
i want you to know you're missed
i want you to know you're loved
we wont forget you.
it happened so quick, being attacked on ya shift/
if only we knew it'd be the last day you live/
people kept talkn and saying, how tragic it is/
to have another life taken by a gat and a clip/
but they didnt know about all the people you've touched/
or how your love could have equaled so much/
but if you could say one thing i know what it'd be/
to your son, daughter and husband in grief/
its that love doesnt need, to be said or be heard/
and that love doesnt need to be confessed with the words/
it can be felt by the heart and the soul/
which are the parts that you hold as part of your own/
and the older they grow, their hearts hardly alone/
cuz you're still here as their gaurdian of hope/
and as far as we know, this is far from the end/
cuz you can all be together in heaven again/
i want you to know you're missed
i want you to know you're loved
we wont forget you.
i will go on...
with you always in my heart
although you're gone...
you're still always in my heart
i will go on...
with you always in my heart
---
how time flies...
I hope you're doing well ms cho.
heh, whatever this is, its not really letting me live/
its got my head in a twist, a burden way too heavy to lift/
and now i steadily drift and im just about ready to give...
UP! yea thats where id certainly prefer my spirits to be/
but i feel like im nearing defeat and so im here on my knees...
i dunno what to do, could You show Your face and voice?/
otherwise i think im screwed, cuz i could never make this choice/
so i gotta face the noise, cuz in life, there isn't always music/
i wanna start from where You are, and also follow through it/
to be continued....
----
-edit-
once again, this one's for you....
Four Seasons Later (now times 2)
Hi-Fi
sometimes i wish i knew a way to communicate with you/
but i can only imagine, what you would say or do/
its hard to face the truth but im doing it now/
im looking at the sky speaking to you in the clouds/
and truly no doubt, i know you would be proud/
cuz ya familys being strong and still moving about/
but regardless of this, a big part of you lives/
in ya lil girl's soul, in the heart of ya miss/
i want you to know you're missed
i want you to know you're loved
we wont forget you.
it happened so quick, being attacked on ya shift/
if only we knew it'd be the last day you live/
people kept talkn and saying, how tragic it is/
to have another life taken by a gat and a clip/
but they didnt know about all the people you've touched/
or how your love could have equaled so much/
but if you could say one thing i know what it'd be/
to your son, daughter and husband in grief/
its that love doesnt need, to be said or be heard/
and that love doesnt need to be confessed with the words/
it can be felt by the heart and the soul/
which are the parts that you hold as part of your own/
and the older they grow, their hearts hardly alone/
cuz you're still here as their gaurdian of hope/
and as far as we know, this is far from the end/
cuz you can all be together in heaven again/
i want you to know you're missed
i want you to know you're loved
we wont forget you.
i will go on...
with you always in my heart
although you're gone...
you're still always in my heart
i will go on...
with you always in my heart
---
how time flies...
I hope you're doing well ms cho.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
this song is by an amateur singer, eunnie, who's just a high schooler from cali... but man has she got some chops.
listen to the song... puts a lot of things in perspective... this is the kind of thing i needed to hear a couple years ago.
The Quest
Lyrics:
(1st verse)
For such a long time
It¡¯s been an endless quest
I searched so long
For the things found in love songs
So much confusion
An illusion¡¦
That human love is all I need
Now I know, I know, it¡¯s not complete
My heart has the courage
To finally see
That you¡¯re every part of me
It¡¯s been sitting here right in front of me
Right in my face¡¦
You¡¯re the reason for my existence
You are the one
(Chorus)
Your endless love
It poured out on me
It took three nails
To finally set me free
I was so blind
Too blind, too blind to find
You saved me
Only you
Hung on the cross
I felt the pain so deeply
Every drop of blood
Stained on that tree
You gave me life¡¦
Never thought twice
To save me
(2nd verse)
So many times, too many things left me in the dust
Backs were turned; they all broke my trust
I¡¯ve longed for passion found on the silver screen
Now I realize¡¦
It¡¯s the last thing that I need
¡®Cause here in reality
You¡¯ve got to step out of that dream
Why did I turn my back this time?
From a love that will never change, or ever fade, never decline
I couldn¡¯t see
Just forgive me
(Chorus 2x)
---
This next song is by another amateur singer... a college kid from columbia i believe... he's a great song writer... and this song is just a real interesting listen. once again... its all about perspective.
Social Geometry
Lyrics:
midnight paints the wall along with tinted lamplight
i'm
amidst the lines of bass and conversation
her line of sight invites as she passes by
with "take-me-to-the-bedroom" eyes
she comes close
clothes just like a second skin
slowly stepping in she winks
and ticks her hips with pursing lips and
he's lucky
to pull her to his side
leaving me to write the scene
from a safer distance set for me
i've noticed a trend that says that
squares don't fit in circles of friends
a case of failed
...social geometry
...social geometry
see i know the shame of smiles
and waving hi..
to someone who meant to greet the one behind you
and how...slow...
motion can be in a scene
where every move you make fills something intimate
with huge mistakes
and i'd be great if people liked
the "loud-when-nervous" kind of type
but no one always sees that always justified
consider me one awkward night personified
a record scratched that plays this fool
in stereo and endless loops
and if the first foot forward always should be best
it tends to block my next steps
making me hate me in social contexts
cause i can't help but trip on words that slip from
nervous lips
oh save me...
make me right
at very least just keep me quiet
but if not tonight
i... will...
if not tonight
then one day i'll remake this bed i sleep upon
if not tonight
i'll break the wall this flowers rooted heavy on
if not tonight
then one day i'll be someone fun to figure out
if not tonight
i'll make me something
someone to write home about
and even if it kills me one day i will learn this
lesson
you're supposed to kill with kindess
not supposed to kill with first impressions
so that your mention
won't win the prize of rolling eyes
and every whisper brings to mind a hint of smile
or word that's kind
but i refuse to change my shape
just to fit in
so until
this square changes
some of circle's mass appeal...
...i'll sit and wait...
...and be a case of failed...
...social geometry
...social geometry
----
anyways i think imma change the layout of this blog. its been a while.
also, i think imma change me. i truly need it.
and if you're bored...
listen to the song... puts a lot of things in perspective... this is the kind of thing i needed to hear a couple years ago.
The Quest
Lyrics:
(1st verse)
For such a long time
It¡¯s been an endless quest
I searched so long
For the things found in love songs
So much confusion
An illusion¡¦
That human love is all I need
Now I know, I know, it¡¯s not complete
My heart has the courage
To finally see
That you¡¯re every part of me
It¡¯s been sitting here right in front of me
Right in my face¡¦
You¡¯re the reason for my existence
You are the one
(Chorus)
Your endless love
It poured out on me
It took three nails
To finally set me free
I was so blind
Too blind, too blind to find
You saved me
Only you
Hung on the cross
I felt the pain so deeply
Every drop of blood
Stained on that tree
You gave me life¡¦
Never thought twice
To save me
(2nd verse)
So many times, too many things left me in the dust
Backs were turned; they all broke my trust
I¡¯ve longed for passion found on the silver screen
Now I realize¡¦
It¡¯s the last thing that I need
¡®Cause here in reality
You¡¯ve got to step out of that dream
Why did I turn my back this time?
From a love that will never change, or ever fade, never decline
I couldn¡¯t see
Just forgive me
(Chorus 2x)
---
This next song is by another amateur singer... a college kid from columbia i believe... he's a great song writer... and this song is just a real interesting listen. once again... its all about perspective.
Social Geometry
Lyrics:
midnight paints the wall along with tinted lamplight
i'm
amidst the lines of bass and conversation
her line of sight invites as she passes by
with "take-me-to-the-bedroom" eyes
she comes close
clothes just like a second skin
slowly stepping in she winks
and ticks her hips with pursing lips and
he's lucky
to pull her to his side
leaving me to write the scene
from a safer distance set for me
i've noticed a trend that says that
squares don't fit in circles of friends
a case of failed
...social geometry
...social geometry
see i know the shame of smiles
and waving hi..
to someone who meant to greet the one behind you
and how...slow...
motion can be in a scene
where every move you make fills something intimate
with huge mistakes
and i'd be great if people liked
the "loud-when-nervous" kind of type
but no one always sees that always justified
consider me one awkward night personified
a record scratched that plays this fool
in stereo and endless loops
and if the first foot forward always should be best
it tends to block my next steps
making me hate me in social contexts
cause i can't help but trip on words that slip from
nervous lips
oh save me...
make me right
at very least just keep me quiet
but if not tonight
i... will...
if not tonight
then one day i'll remake this bed i sleep upon
if not tonight
i'll break the wall this flowers rooted heavy on
if not tonight
then one day i'll be someone fun to figure out
if not tonight
i'll make me something
someone to write home about
and even if it kills me one day i will learn this
lesson
you're supposed to kill with kindess
not supposed to kill with first impressions
so that your mention
won't win the prize of rolling eyes
and every whisper brings to mind a hint of smile
or word that's kind
but i refuse to change my shape
just to fit in
so until
this square changes
some of circle's mass appeal...
...i'll sit and wait...
...and be a case of failed...
...social geometry
...social geometry
----
anyways i think imma change the layout of this blog. its been a while.
also, i think imma change me. i truly need it.
and if you're bored...
Monday, April 12, 2004
avoiding project.
Bold the movies youve seen entirely:
1. X-Men
2. The Craft
3. X2 : X-Men United
4. Swimfan
5. Fellowship of the Ring
6. Finding Nemo
7. Peter Pan
8. Home Alone
9. Aladdin
10. The Ring
11. 10 Things I Hate About You
12. Not Another Teen Movie
13. Spiceworld
14. 8 Mile
15. Bambi
16. Pirates of the Carribean
17. Edward Scissorhands
18. Stepmom
19. My Best Friends Wedding
20. 101 Dalmatians
21. Scream
22. Scream 2
23. Scream 3
24. Big Daddy
25. Billy Madison
26. Chamber of Secrets
27. Sorcerer Stone
28. Heartbreakers
29. Dumb & Dumber
30. Cruel Intentions
31. Scary Movie
32. Look Who's Talking
33. Blade
34. Blade II
35. O
36. Titanic
37. Carrie
38. Carrie 2: The Rage
39. Daddy Day Care
40. Legally Blonde
41. Austin Powers
42. Storm of the Century
43. Oliver and Company
44. The Two Towers
45. The Return of the King
46. Mighty Ducks
47. Fast and the Furious
48. 2 Fast, 2 Furious
49. A Walk To Remember
50. Triple X
51. Beauty and the Beast
52. I Know What You Did Last Summer
53. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
54. Sound of Music
55. Mary Poppins
56. Tuck Everlasting
57. The Patriot
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Killing Ms. Tingle
60. Crossroads
61. Now and Then
62. Pearl Harbor
63. Just Married
64. Cast Away
65. Radio Flyer
66. Final Destination
67. Lady and the Tramp
68. Shallow Hal
69. 40 Days and 40 Nights
70. Bring It On
71. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
72. The Outsiders
73. The Matrix
74. Perfect Storm
75. Austin Powers 2
76. Never Been Kissed
77. Clueless
78. Bruce Almighty
79. Remember the Titans
81. Girl, Interrupted
82. SWAT
83. Sixth Sense
84. Phone Booth
85. The Lion King
86. Urban Legends
87. Nightflier
88. Lion King 2
89. Little Mermaid
90. American Pie
91. Center Stage
92. Scooby Doo
93. Bedazzled
94. Mrs. Doubtfire
95. Save the Last Dance
96. My Girl
97. American Beauty
98. Romeo & Juliet
99. Lost World
100. Casper
dag i watch too many movies.
oh yea, random list credit to susan.
Bold the movies youve seen entirely:
1. X-Men
2. The Craft
3. X2 : X-Men United
4. Swimfan
5. Fellowship of the Ring
6. Finding Nemo
7. Peter Pan
8. Home Alone
9. Aladdin
10. The Ring
11. 10 Things I Hate About You
12. Not Another Teen Movie
13. Spiceworld
14. 8 Mile
15. Bambi
16. Pirates of the Carribean
17. Edward Scissorhands
18. Stepmom
19. My Best Friends Wedding
20. 101 Dalmatians
21. Scream
22. Scream 2
23. Scream 3
24. Big Daddy
25. Billy Madison
26. Chamber of Secrets
27. Sorcerer Stone
28. Heartbreakers
29. Dumb & Dumber
30. Cruel Intentions
31. Scary Movie
32. Look Who's Talking
33. Blade
34. Blade II
35. O
36. Titanic
37. Carrie
38. Carrie 2: The Rage
39. Daddy Day Care
40. Legally Blonde
41. Austin Powers
42. Storm of the Century
43. Oliver and Company
44. The Two Towers
45. The Return of the King
46. Mighty Ducks
47. Fast and the Furious
48. 2 Fast, 2 Furious
49. A Walk To Remember
50. Triple X
51. Beauty and the Beast
52. I Know What You Did Last Summer
53. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
54. Sound of Music
55. Mary Poppins
56. Tuck Everlasting
57. The Patriot
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Killing Ms. Tingle
60. Crossroads
61. Now and Then
62. Pearl Harbor
63. Just Married
64. Cast Away
65. Radio Flyer
66. Final Destination
67. Lady and the Tramp
68. Shallow Hal
69. 40 Days and 40 Nights
70. Bring It On
71. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
72. The Outsiders
73. The Matrix
74. Perfect Storm
75. Austin Powers 2
76. Never Been Kissed
77. Clueless
78. Bruce Almighty
79. Remember the Titans
81. Girl, Interrupted
82. SWAT
83. Sixth Sense
84. Phone Booth
85. The Lion King
86. Urban Legends
87. Nightflier
88. Lion King 2
89. Little Mermaid
90. American Pie
91. Center Stage
92. Scooby Doo
93. Bedazzled
94. Mrs. Doubtfire
95. Save the Last Dance
96. My Girl
97. American Beauty
98. Romeo & Juliet
99. Lost World
100. Casper
dag i watch too many movies.
oh yea, random list credit to susan.
Friday, April 09, 2004
lent is over, i can write in here again.
but you know what? i wasnt too faithful to the other comittments that really mattered.
in fact, during this season i strayed in many ways. it's been an interesting season for sure though, lots of things have been happening, both good and bad.
so yea, there have been a couple songs that have really intrigued me... one of which is
hoobastank's the reason... but everyone's already talking about it so ill shed some light on a song that has more applicable lyrics for me anyways.
i've had lifehouse's stanley climbfall album for a while now sitting in a folder on my computer but never really gave it a good listen...
but here is this song, am i ever gonna find out?, and wow... hits the spot.
"silence is golden
but I think it's gonna kill me now
everything I've seen
never seems to filll me now
no one told me that the world could fall through yeah
in between this
am I gonna find a way
to defeat this
living inside yesterday
I'm alive but I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find out
patience can wait for now
I think I've waited for too long
you always gave a choice
and the right to be wrong
all my life has been slipping through your hands yeah
in between this
am I gonna find a way
to defeat this
living inside yesterday
I'm alive, I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find out"
- Am I ever gonna find out?, Lifehouse
ill post more later.
but you know what? i wasnt too faithful to the other comittments that really mattered.
in fact, during this season i strayed in many ways. it's been an interesting season for sure though, lots of things have been happening, both good and bad.
so yea, there have been a couple songs that have really intrigued me... one of which is
hoobastank's the reason... but everyone's already talking about it so ill shed some light on a song that has more applicable lyrics for me anyways.
i've had lifehouse's stanley climbfall album for a while now sitting in a folder on my computer but never really gave it a good listen...
but here is this song, am i ever gonna find out?, and wow... hits the spot.
"silence is golden
but I think it's gonna kill me now
everything I've seen
never seems to filll me now
no one told me that the world could fall through yeah
in between this
am I gonna find a way
to defeat this
living inside yesterday
I'm alive but I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find out
patience can wait for now
I think I've waited for too long
you always gave a choice
and the right to be wrong
all my life has been slipping through your hands yeah
in between this
am I gonna find a way
to defeat this
living inside yesterday
I'm alive, I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find out"
- Am I ever gonna find out?, Lifehouse
ill post more later.