i am: sick and tired physically; pumped, excited, thankful in every other way

i think: that spring break was too short, but still very much appreciated.

i want: to live out my potential, to go all out

i kno: i have been neglectful

i have: so much yet so little, a paradox of wordliness versus godliness

i wish: i had awaken earlier so that i could be running harder now

i regret: a lot of things about HS, you could say I was a lot like Achan from Joshua 7

i love: having the things I do vindicated by the One and only

i hate: few things, but I am trying to adapt to being disgusted with all that is unpure.... do my MANLY BROTHERS HEAR ME?!?!?!

i miss: driving. i am refraining from pointing out people by name because I am surrending it all.

i fear: never being able to have the opportunity to MAKE HISTORY

i feel: like IM GONNA BE, A HISTORY MAKER IN THIS LAND

i think it's funny: that the dumbest things can be so humorous

i smell: sorry.... i do... its the result of a long wet day!

i crave: water, both the Living and natural type

i search: my heart and soul, it is the most important thing to know anyhow

i wonder: if I Have What It Takes!

i long: for eternal joy

i care: I do.

i always: resort to convenience

i believe: I do indeed.

i sing: my soul, my soul must sing!

i cry: whenever I am met, because I am so unworthy.

i do not always: know everything, despite my act.

i fight: for the ones You love, Yours sons and daughters

i win: *ding ding ding ding ding*

i lose: *BZZZZZZZZZ*

i can usually be found: acting goofy.

i am scared: I have nothing to fear but my own human doubt.

i need: continual support and encouragement from Him.

i am happy about: having something personal and powerful revealed to me last night.

i expect: nothing, I dont want to put it all in a box, or else I may miss something.

i trust: because I must.

** this wasnt too involving so I killed time -BUT- there is more to come

spring break is finally upon me. yay. hahaha.

anyhow i feel good, its monday morning and i usually wouldnt be up, but i am. i may take a nap later though heh, but either way i feel good.
Thank You ^^. However, i need to shower, and drink something... dunno why im wasting time writing all this down instead of doing it. I smell like yesterdays cologne, (im not a fan of 24 hour old cool water scent on me), and im kinda dehydrated. its nice to be home though. family is always comforting heh.

----
you know, He's really been protecting me, cuz my mind has been going into overdrive yet im not yearning for it. It's still hecka distracting though. I had a dream about everything last night, ive never dreamt about it before.... haha oh well it was an interesting dream to say the last, too bad ive forgotten most of it already... oh well
as hedgi says... "itch oh kaaaaaaaay". ^^

-1:39 AM THURSDAY-

hm, perhaps it would be most wise if i slept. harsh week. s'ok, it wakes me up and actually motivates me as much as it discourages me. kind of paradoxical in nature but oh well, human emotions are hard to interpret and predict anyhow. dang, this week aint over till its over. heh, the past few weeks have been filled with redundant sayings and the dumbest of humor. its kept me smiling though, and brought me and my brothers closer, so i cant complain.

crazy times, yet the wordly situations seem so distant. well i guess because it doesnt affect my calling at the moment. ill do whatever i do for Him and noone else.
----

i used to think crying(in the context of worship and prayer) was something rare and only happens at special times. like it was something hard to achieve or even surreal. but i find myself weeping almost everytime i engage with the Lord. its mind blowing to realize how powerful the spirit moves when I open my heart enough. thank You.

----

thanks to albee for the song. sorry i couldnt hit the notes and perform with you. steve will do a better job.

You are the reason
For blue in the sky
Yes, you are the reason why
Snow covers winter
And melts into Spring
And rivers meet the sea

God is here for you
And you were made for Him
He'll give you more of everything
Cause He has always loved you
His promises are true, so true
If you

Chorus:
Come as you are
Don't change a thing
Open your heart
He'll walk right in
Come as you are
No alibis
His love for you
Will never die

There is a heaven
Open your eyes
And there you have no disguise
He'll never leave you
No need to hide
He's always by your side

If you just believe
There is a way you'll see
It's just one step to eternity
And He will always love you
This promise will be true, so true
If you
-Come As You Are, Jaci Velasquez

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lastly....

Carol Yu, if you're reading this
http://userpages.umbc.edu/~newt1/oaxaca.WMV [8.6 MB]
http://userpages.umbc.edu/~newt1/agape-dsl.WMV [4.2 MB]

those are the links to the two videos from last entry that you probably couldnt view cause of your internet connection. just right click and save. the first one is the more valuable one, if you can only download one, that's it.

and KT Sohn, if you are reading, im taking down the tasha song off my webspace soon, so i wanna make sure you get a heads up before you get a dead link on your xanga. ok? if you want the mp3 ill send it to you after lent is over and when you get back on AIM. stay strong to your comittment.

yay. late night update. tired after too much fun with my brothas. video fun fun.

many have seen this before. eh, its still cool to me.

----

when i first saw this, i was moved to tears. this was an incredibly moving video for me, i felt the spirit work. It was shown over winter break to introduce Agape's missions to Oaxaca Mexico this summer. it made me very nostalgilistic in terms of my missions experience two years ago in Arizona. That was such an awesome trip. Yet, at the same time I was also reminded of how unprepared I am to take on more serious roles in missions, but I know that I am definately willing. These years here at college will not be wasted. I want to be transformed in the likeliness of Him, so that I can go out and serve as well. I pray that soon enough I too, will feel the calling some of my other brothers and sisters have recieved that night.

sheer entertainment.

wayne brady is such a monster... why did they cancel his show!?

i find my self taking advantage of things that i have no right to. why is it so hard to reach true freedome?

"Lost and dirty yet You found me
Stained by sin but you have cleansed me
Can it be I'm precious in you sight?"
- Here am I a sinner free, Matt Redman

i am literally ashamed of myself. i dont know how i can turn away, and then when it comes time to it, act like ive done nothing wrong. I cant keep doing this. It's holding me back. It's not like i can just forget about it either. If I stray for just one second, its so easy to fall so far. Why did I choose to push it away this morning!? GAH. Look where I am.

---

Wow, I was so foolish back then. Too bad I didnt know. Heck, I wonder if it would have made a difference even if I did know. I'm not even safe when I sleep. Flashbacks continue to creep up in my mind, nudging and subtly shifting me the other way. That aint cool. I wonder if I'm alone on this one, or does it have an equal effect. Perhaps in the other case, there are 'moments' to replace the old ones. I dont want new moments though, it's just gonna screw with me even more in the future. I want to throw it all away. This is holding me back as well.

----

Doh. Maybe its the nice weather, I dunno. Maybe I'm just digging myself deeper into the hole. Heh, I dunno why i'm complaining, its so trivial its ridiculous. Still though, its kind of discomforting to find myself distracted at the most important times by this one person. I want SO MUCH to keep my eyes set on Him. I find it so stupid that as humans, if we dont have any real crisis, we have to create our own drama. screw that.

"Consuming fire, fan into flames
Lord have your way, Lord have your way..."
-Consuming Fire, Tim Hughes

"Im gonna lay it down now and I take this vow/
I wont be a punk that gets taken out!/
wont play it down, im gonna face it now/
troubles n struggles what faiths about/"

----
[edit]
one last thing i forgot. I was sitting in bed considering it last night, and today I guess it was reaffirmed... especially in the past few minutes. I'm still not exactly sure if you really know what's up but either way I owe you an apology. Cuz I am not in a place where I can judge you in this situation. I wish you the best, seriously though, whatever that may entitle you to. Even though you probably dont even know why I'm apologizing, or even if this is for you that's OK, because I kept this to myself anyways. But for the sake of friendship, I want to tell you that I had a wrongful mentality. I prejudged things from the very start, and even to this day am still trying to rid myself of these personal biases. I think I was just jealous with the possibility that you may have matured faster than I in certain areas where I always seemed to be helping you. Please forgive me.

the game of life is exhilarating. i dont think ive ever had that much fun on a board game. haha, mr jerry ta, what a fruitful decision.
and now ...out of sheer fatigue and resistance to sleep...

1.What is your name? Newt.

2. What color pants are you wearing? khaki.

3. What are you listening to right now? espn sportscenter in the background.

4. What are the last four digits of your phone number? uhm... depends...0432 is one of em.

5. What was the last thing you ate? bacon cheesburger, fries and some acidic-like grape soda.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? clear...that'd be kinda cool.

7. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon? wherever my wife wants.

8. How is the weather right now? its a crisp evening now at 1:23 am, filled with promise for the future.

9. Last person you talked to on the phone? Albee, just to get her to let me in her hall, but Jason and Joy in an actual conversation.

10. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? their general mannerisms... such as the way they talk, act, and interact and so forth... out of these... i think the smile (if its a nice one) catches my attention the most.

11. Do you like the person that sent you this? Diana, so mature for her age, yet so childish at heart. what a blessing of a combination. Haha, the only senior/freshman i know.

13. Your favorite drink? a couple of those SoBe lizard drinks are pure quality. almost nectar like in character. and i had some tantalizing punch today at Will & Janette's wedding.

14. Your favorite alcoholic drink? not a drinker. dont see the point.

15. How do you eat an Oreo? the method depends on the emotional mood and level of hunger at the time of consumption.

16. Favorite sport: im not wonderfully talented at it, but soccer is what its about.

17. What's the next CD you're going to get? I wanna pick up As One 3jib when it comes out but i'm not heavily considering anything in particular.

18. Hair color: black. well technically dark dark brown.

19. Eye Color: same as my hair color.

21. Siblings and their ages? yea, younger sister... at the crazy age of 15

22. favorite month? it doesnt matter.

23. Favorite food? *shrugs* what's good is good.

24. Last movie you watched? I watched MI:2 last week, not for hte first time mind you, but just for some classic john woo action.

25. Favorite day of the year? whenever I know that by the end of the day, I've lived it for Him. it doesnt happen as often as i would like it too :(

26. Are you too shy to ask someone out? yes, and no. Now I am, but it doesnt matter, because I'm not in a position where I am ready to date anyhow. But when I feel God leading me to that girl, whomever it may be, who am i to disobey Him? ^^

27. Do you like scary or happy movies better? Find me a movie that scares me, and I'll let you know. Dont say The Ring was scary either, cuz it wasnt... slightly thrilling perhaps, maybe even surprising at times, but not scary. So for now, Happy movies win by default.

28. Summer or Winter? im tempted to say Summer just because she's such a funny older sister in Christ to have, but in context to the question, I'd say winter just because I think its more beautiful and peaceful. Im starting to get sick of snow though.

29. Hugs or Kisses? depends on the situation... hugs are generally more comforting and more than just physical affection. I think that's more powerful and comforting.

31. Chocolate or vanilla? vanilla, dont usually mess with straight up chocolate products.

32. Do you want your friends to write back? nah, not in particular. I dont like reading 1000's emails at once hehe. I dont mind reading them on their own blog pages though, cuz then it just feels more leisurely.

33. Who is most likely to respond? n/a

34. Who's least likely to respond? n/a

35. Living arrangements? In a dorm room with a roomate. He's cool enough though.

36. What books are you reading? As in for leisure? nothing really. I should get cracking on that Ragmuffin Gospel book though. Darn this lazyiness.

37. What's on your mouse pad? I'm not rocking one. Its straight up mouse to desk.

38. Favorite board game? as of tonite. Life. The game is kinda weak, but with the right people.... its exhilarting. Dont believe me? Fine. My head still hurts from laughing so much hehe.

40. Favorite smells? it used to be the way some girls hair smells just when they are close to you. but as i've started to move away from that kind of mentality... id have to say its without a doubt the smell of a light breeze on a nice day. Windows down, music up, driving around. DANG IT, i miss driving.

41. Least favorite smell? hm, in general, I cant stand the smell of drunk people. Unfortunately its sometimes unavoidable being on a college campus. Also, this KMX energy drink smells and tastes absolutely vile. Sickening really.

42. Favorite sound? Praise. As one. Its so comforting when I can close my eyes, and listen to an entire body of christ lifting up His name.

43. Worst feeling in the world? truly admitting how far I have strayed from Him at times. It just hurts.

44. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? DOH. sleep time's over.

45. Favorite color? Blue. Baby/Sky Blue to be exact. As Carol watched on as she looked at my pillow and bed sheets, then as i tossed my two hats unto my bad, she exclaimed... "dont you think this is a bit much?" nope :-)

46. How many rings before you answer the phone? whenever I can get to it, I get to it.

51. What's under your bed? my computer system, my desk, a lamp, my schedule and a note of encouragement from some wonderful freshman sisters, and some school books. probably sounds crazy to those who have not seen my room. eh.

53. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you? Always so ready to love others. Not afraid to proclaim who you are living this life for. Even as someone who is a year younger than me, I feel like you're so much more mature than me in every area where it counts. Continue to grow and run for Him ok?

54. What CD or tape do you have in your stereo? I dont have a stereo here at school, just my computer and trusty personal cd player. But I'm rocking mountain brothers : triple crown in the cd player. MB's are baaaaaack!!!

55. Favorite TV shows? Friends, Simpsons and Malcolm in the middle. And I think Whose line is it anyway is such an awesome show as well. can't beat the improv.

*Bonus Question: How long did this take you to complete? 20 minutes? doesnt matter I wasnt counting.

doh... no more questions... its ok, at least this survey didnt have stupid ones.

----
beautiful one. I love you.
beautiful one. I adore.
beautiful one, my soul, must sing!.
-Beautiful One, Tim Hughes

*shrugs* i couldnt think of a song to match the direction of today's entry. oh well... yesterday's song of the day'll have to do.
it just matched yesterday's beautiful weather vibe.

"Cause I see the sky now and the birds are singing and the clouds are
dancing with 'em too. peacefully now.
Fly all day I wanna go away there with you far away.
Cause me and you babe theres no one block in up the road
make our way and I'll do it my own way

Baby one day when it's beautiful I'll take my love I'll share my soul
for the moment we will wait a while it's alright
Through the good time and the bad times been through it all
been through it all baby one day we will go away it's alright

You said once and when the time is right we'll set a rule officially now
and then make a pack eternally and I will trust you
Because I love you. yes I do
cause it's provin' you know what we are look in for
till that day we'll just have to pray pray pray and pray

Baby one day when it's beautiful I'll take my love I'll share my soul
for the moment we will wait a while it's alright
Through the good time and the bad times been through it all
been through it all baby one day we will go away it's alright

Cause me and you babe there's no one blocking up the road
make away I'll do it my own my own way.

Baby one day when it's beautiful I'll take my love I'll share my soul
for the moment we will wait a while it's alright
Through the good time and the bad times been through it all
been through it all baby one day we will go away it's alright

Baby one day when it's beautiful I'll take my love I'll share my soul
for the moment we will wait a while it's alright
Through the good time and the bad times been through it all
been through it all baby one day we will go away it's alright"
- Because I Love You, T & Bobby Kim

----
In the middle of the night last night, on impulse i decided im gonna give some things up and make some changes.

Jotted Down : no longer exists... it is no longer my mc name, and in due time, no longer the name of this page.
MajaFlavaz : im going to ween myself off of this. its had its run. Maja will AIM no more.

email will remain the same for now... ill prob change that in due time as well. so i can be reached there.

ok? ok.

man, ive had SUCH an awesome start to this week. im so foolish for being so lazy... just getting up a lil earlier to start off my day with Him really sets an awesome pace for the rest of my day.

im killing time before small group, hopefully it'll be another awesome encounter!

----

picture fun.


-after church yesterday

----

education. (gotta wait for it to load before you click play)

----

THANK YOU

Jesus you are and will always be
Beautiful and lovely to me
You gave your life and shed your blood for me
Heaven came down to reveal your love

Thank you, thank you
I will always bring you praise
For you have won my heart

Thank you, thank you
I will always bring you praise
From the deepest places of my heart

-thank you, jeff searles