Sunday, July 27, 2003
my middle name is vincent
i used to really enjoy 'chick flicks', but have outgrown em
i create elaborate self appealing situations when i daydream
i bite my nails, especially my pointer finger on my right hand, i dont know why
my favorite movie is actually a disney musical called 'newsies'
i dont know how i got a scholarship
i dont know how i let myself lose it
the only time i really enjoy being alone is when i am driving
and yes, i love driving
i feel uncomfortable telling somone i miss them, especially when i really mean it
i dont know how to blow bubbles with gum
i started rapping because i wanted to impress a girlfriend
four toes on my right foot are double jointed
i enjoy beverages more than i do actual food
i memorize words to korean music by remembering how the lyrics sound, i dont really understand what i am reciting
i rarely throw away or delete letters, deep email, notes or postcards sent to me, but sametime i never reply
i dont want to like this girl, yet same time i do
when around people i dont know, i become incredibly shy
i want to get into a fist fight, to see what its like
i want to be a history maker for His glory.
the above is inspired by dorice
so i just got back from my old church's senior banquet, it had been a long time since i had been to an OFM event besides a retreat and i thought it was a real cool. i give my congratulations to all the graduating seniors, some i never got to know because they've joined OFM after I left but still, they deserve it. its kind of sad to see those who have shaped and given OFM a certain "flavor" or dynamic leave, but at the same time its interesting to see them enter into promising futures. also it gives the up and rising members of OFM to start to have more influential roles in the ministry and really start to embrace it even more. i hope they do.
irene, soyoung, jiheon, jeremy, martha, thomas, kwangmin, and jaewan...
i can only try to guess the great things you can accomplish/experience within the next few years. good luck to you all.
tonite also made me miss my body back at BC even more. at least i get to see some of you once a week, and a lot of the bros are still in contact. thanks for the support.
so tonite also marked the second night in the row i was supposed to spend a night on the town with some of the richmond folk... but then things fell through... all good though. i would like to wish hanna a happy 19th bday in a few days... hope you satiated your desire to shake that thang heh. i also missed the last bus friday night so i found out what its like to take a cab... yay. the cabbie new i was a newbie, he commented on it. cost 15 dollars... boo.
and to irene, who turned 18 this saturday. wow you're an adult!
and a belated bday wish to ms chimee song, who turned 18 as well last monday.
[edit]
a picture from friday night's dinner with hanna and company
and yes, i am surrounded by females...
but the running joke is, im just newt =)
irene, soyoung, jiheon, jeremy, martha, thomas, kwangmin, and jaewan...
i can only try to guess the great things you can accomplish/experience within the next few years. good luck to you all.
tonite also made me miss my body back at BC even more. at least i get to see some of you once a week, and a lot of the bros are still in contact. thanks for the support.
so tonite also marked the second night in the row i was supposed to spend a night on the town with some of the richmond folk... but then things fell through... all good though. i would like to wish hanna a happy 19th bday in a few days... hope you satiated your desire to shake that thang heh. i also missed the last bus friday night so i found out what its like to take a cab... yay. the cabbie new i was a newbie, he commented on it. cost 15 dollars... boo.
and to irene, who turned 18 this saturday. wow you're an adult!
and a belated bday wish to ms chimee song, who turned 18 as well last monday.
[edit]
a picture from friday night's dinner with hanna and company
and yes, i am surrounded by females...
but the running joke is, im just newt =)
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Day after day
I'm more confused
So I look for the light
In the pouring rain
You know that's a game
That I hate to lose
I'm feelin' the strain,
Ain't it a shame
Oh, give me the beat, boys,
And free my soul
I wanna get lost
In your rock and roll
And drift away
Oh, give me the beat, boys,
And free my soul
I wanna get lost
In your rock and roll
And drift away
Beginning to think
That I'm wastin' time
I don't understand
The things I do
The world outside
Looks so unkind
I'm countin' on you
To carry me through
And when my mind is free
You know a melody
Can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitar's comin' through
To soothe me
Thanks for the joy
That you've given me
I want you to know
I believe in your song
Rhythm and rhyme
And harmony
You help me along
Makin' me strong
-drift away, dobie gray
I'm more confused
So I look for the light
In the pouring rain
You know that's a game
That I hate to lose
I'm feelin' the strain,
Ain't it a shame
Oh, give me the beat, boys,
And free my soul
I wanna get lost
In your rock and roll
And drift away
Oh, give me the beat, boys,
And free my soul
I wanna get lost
In your rock and roll
And drift away
Beginning to think
That I'm wastin' time
I don't understand
The things I do
The world outside
Looks so unkind
I'm countin' on you
To carry me through
And when my mind is free
You know a melody
Can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitar's comin' through
To soothe me
Thanks for the joy
That you've given me
I want you to know
I believe in your song
Rhythm and rhyme
And harmony
You help me along
Makin' me strong
-drift away, dobie gray
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
pic of the moment:
atlantic city for albee's bday.
more pics here.
----
i need an ipod. my combined commute time of almost 4 hours to and from my summer class eats away at my cd collection. i cant carry so many cd's at once.
im tired. ill update more later.
atlantic city for albee's bday.
more pics here.
----
i need an ipod. my combined commute time of almost 4 hours to and from my summer class eats away at my cd collection. i cant carry so many cd's at once.
im tired. ill update more later.
Thursday, July 03, 2003
i dont sleep anymore. well at least not well.
i lay in bed for hours until finally i drift off to sleep for a lil while, then i wake up and i go about my day. then i get extremely tired in the afternoon and sometimes unwillingly take a nap cause i just fall asleep in the middle of whatever im doing. "luckily" i lost the car so i cant fall asleep at the wheel. i think i lie awake cuz a combination of guilt and sadness are eating away at me. i get extremely moody at night when im by myself. i just start letting my mind wander... sometimes i even day dream at night, i dream up scenarios where im successful in one sense or another, or where i'm impressing people with my 'accomplishments'. damn, what a bunch of bull.
i realized im an amazing liar. often im just subtle, but at times i will blatantly lie to someone's face. ok i take that back, its mostly all to my parents face. but the subtle lies... i think i do that to everyone, and its gotten to the point where its not even intentional anymore, just a habit. i'll hold back information, or word my phrases and sentences so that it can be interpreted the way i want the person to interpret it, yet still be 'true' in a different way. dont trust me, its dangerous to trust me. the people who trust me the most are the ones i have hurt the most. sometimes i think i should be an actor, cuz i can lie so well.
sometimes i get in these moods where i feel like i want to cry, but im just too drained to do it. yea ive done my share of weeping and brokeness given the situation, but i still haven't shaken this looming sense of failure. in a way, its good though, it motivates me to get my self out there and start doing something about it.
you know, its strange, i feel so lonely and want so badly to just be around my friends, but i wont let myself. maybe its cuz i feel i dont deserve it, or maybe i just like being alone at the same time. i dont think ive answered a call to my cell in about a week, unless i thought it was really important. id rather just listen to messages. i avoid AIM, well mostly cuz my computer's been taken away too, but also cuz i dont feel like talking, when i know a part of me DOES feel like talking. if im actually online, i just put up an away message and just look at who comes on. every night i think to myself, i want to get out of here. forget everything and just start over somewhere. but that's so incredibly selfish, hell everything ive been talking about the past few minutes is all from selfishness. that's why i think more about girls now than i have in the past year, because i just want someone to make me feel good.
its times like these that I actually think clearer. but there is still so much i have to do, but i guess in the end its all about trusting God. i dont think trust is the issue, im just so damned discouraged. Also i havn't completely let go of all my old dreams, habits, lifestyle and pains. I have to bring myself to the point where i lay it ALL down and proclaim that i will follow. so yea, that's why i now have a calander in my room, every day im going to mark whether or not ive remained faithful to my comittments or not. its hard though.
"who am i that you should notice?
how could i have ever afford this?
who are you that you should care for me?"
-Jason Park
i lay in bed for hours until finally i drift off to sleep for a lil while, then i wake up and i go about my day. then i get extremely tired in the afternoon and sometimes unwillingly take a nap cause i just fall asleep in the middle of whatever im doing. "luckily" i lost the car so i cant fall asleep at the wheel. i think i lie awake cuz a combination of guilt and sadness are eating away at me. i get extremely moody at night when im by myself. i just start letting my mind wander... sometimes i even day dream at night, i dream up scenarios where im successful in one sense or another, or where i'm impressing people with my 'accomplishments'. damn, what a bunch of bull.
i realized im an amazing liar. often im just subtle, but at times i will blatantly lie to someone's face. ok i take that back, its mostly all to my parents face. but the subtle lies... i think i do that to everyone, and its gotten to the point where its not even intentional anymore, just a habit. i'll hold back information, or word my phrases and sentences so that it can be interpreted the way i want the person to interpret it, yet still be 'true' in a different way. dont trust me, its dangerous to trust me. the people who trust me the most are the ones i have hurt the most. sometimes i think i should be an actor, cuz i can lie so well.
sometimes i get in these moods where i feel like i want to cry, but im just too drained to do it. yea ive done my share of weeping and brokeness given the situation, but i still haven't shaken this looming sense of failure. in a way, its good though, it motivates me to get my self out there and start doing something about it.
you know, its strange, i feel so lonely and want so badly to just be around my friends, but i wont let myself. maybe its cuz i feel i dont deserve it, or maybe i just like being alone at the same time. i dont think ive answered a call to my cell in about a week, unless i thought it was really important. id rather just listen to messages. i avoid AIM, well mostly cuz my computer's been taken away too, but also cuz i dont feel like talking, when i know a part of me DOES feel like talking. if im actually online, i just put up an away message and just look at who comes on. every night i think to myself, i want to get out of here. forget everything and just start over somewhere. but that's so incredibly selfish, hell everything ive been talking about the past few minutes is all from selfishness. that's why i think more about girls now than i have in the past year, because i just want someone to make me feel good.
its times like these that I actually think clearer. but there is still so much i have to do, but i guess in the end its all about trusting God. i dont think trust is the issue, im just so damned discouraged. Also i havn't completely let go of all my old dreams, habits, lifestyle and pains. I have to bring myself to the point where i lay it ALL down and proclaim that i will follow. so yea, that's why i now have a calander in my room, every day im going to mark whether or not ive remained faithful to my comittments or not. its hard though.
"who am i that you should notice?
how could i have ever afford this?
who are you that you should care for me?"
-Jason Park