hello my peoples...

long time since the last update... i know.... and this is prob gonna be a riduculously long post, so long ill prob lose the few of you who read this b4 u can complete ... but haha... its all good.....

alot has been going on lately...... well i had finished the college process completely last month and ive heard back from 2 schools..... and im 2 for 2! haha yippee... so far ive gotten into penn state and umbc... hopefully they keep coming so that i have some choices to make.... college park seems to be incredibly hard this yr and since i didnt make priority deadline i dunno if i got in or not.. and im very unsure at this point if i will or not... oh well we'll just have to see.. the next colleges ill hear from are likely to be my cali schools so WISH ME LUCK, god how im sweatn cali at the moment... hahaha well that's all the college new for now

at church..... its been an eventful month or so..... our church had this coffeehouse night type event and it was pretty successful... my va friends came up (thanks again lily, hanna, diana, and my new friends sue and sang, and also the other guys who came up who i didnt quite get to meet, sorry).... also i performed a piece entitled "what am i without you?".. its basically a song i wrote to the beat of the roots "you got me" instrumental.... it seemed like a lot of ppl enjoyed it and i thank god for allowing me to spread his essence through hip hop...

here's the lyrics:

What Am I Without You?

Chorus: (0:01)
Ya showed me your loving grace
Your love is so beautiful
Ya always keep me safe
What am I without you?

Youll never turn your back
Even when ive turned mine
You forgave my past
What am I without yout?

Verse1: (0:25)
There’s no denying your existence/
Despite other people’s persistence/
That your fake & the bible is just a bunch of misprints/
Those are the people who live only for this instant/
Too bad they don’t know what they’re missing/
(pause)
I’ve felt you touch my heart before/
I’ve seen you soften those with a hardened core/
I’ve seen people scream where are ya lord/
When all along you were at their heart, knocking on their door/
You’ve helped me up in my darkest hour of need/
I try to find my roots, not realizing you are the tree/
Sometimes its seems too hard to believe/
That you’re always there, towering over me/
Ya love is the only thing that can help me over power greed/
Lust, sin & temptation, and keep em locked up in the basement/
Cuz if I love the world its like getting only a sample tasting/
But the lord provides all the flavors of joy at once, what a sensation/
I love you god, king of kings, master of all creation/
Im here to make a statement/
Who am I without you?
Where am I without you?
What am I without you?

Chorus (1:12)

Verse 2: (1:36)
There are those who cant take that leap of faith/
Some of us have doubts, our hearts are in a weakened state/
The world’s blinded us with flashy temptations that leave us dazed/
So we need a shake to open our eyes to help us keep awake/
Even if ya made a big mistake/
Lift it up to god, he’ll clean ya slate/
In terms of god in your life, it may seem vague/
Because you have never seen his face/
But like the wind, you can still feel him, you can feel his grace/
And receive a taste of things to come, its of what dreams are made/
Even if ya heart has stiffened/
God can make ya life different/
Even if ya ambitions driven/
By plain curiousity or if you seek to be forgiven/
Just pray, let your heart listen/
And follow the sound of god calling you/
Don’t worry he’ll guide and catch you if you fall too/
Remember in all you do or what ever situation you fall into/
don’t sweat it, god has your salvation predrawn for you/

Chorus (2:24)

Verse 3: (2:47)
To say I know the greatest love of all is an understatement/
It’s a no brainer, no need to spend time wondering or pacing/
We are his children, whom the holy one’s embracing/
He’ll never forsake us, take joy in this wondrous statement/
This calls for a celebration/
Whether on your own or with hundreds craving/
A thunderous raining down of his cascading love/
Come participate in the trading of/
Ya sorrows and pain, unless you don’t think your ashamed enough/
Or game enough to admit your faults, you can keep playing tough/
Ya missing out on free love, don’t worry cuz god’s made enough/
Be joyful cuz god saved ya butt/
And come shout his name with ya hands thrown up/

Chorus (repeated until and) (3:23)
Verse 4 (performed concurrently with sung chorus): (3:47)
his love goes on and on forever, like energizer/
even when we turn away, and think men are wiser/
he heals our wounds and nurses us when our lives hurt/
his love’ll clean the dirt of your palms, like hand sanitizer/
unlike man, whom attempts to live forever, but dies trying/
God’s love cant be stopped, its like time flying/
you can say your fine, but your heart and mind’s crying/
and you may never know why, so you just try to lie smiling/
it may seem like during ya darkest times, God disappears/
but he never left ya side, just in da dark, all isn’t clear/
but his spirit is like your shadow, it may not always appear/
you may feel abandoned, when travelin life’s hallways in fear/
but when the light shines again, you’ll just fall into tears/
cuz when the shadow reappears, u’ll know that thru it all he was near/
imagine never reaching a busy signal, as you make a call/
imagine never having mail returned, cuz the address was gone/
imagine never not being heard, cuz you were the last one to talk/
imagine never running out of toilet paper, (now that’s worst of all)/
now that’s what His love is like, so big, it fathoms the stars/
what never dies and lives forever? His love’ll last through it all/

hmm..... also at church we had a ski trip..... it was a lot of fun but unfortunately my sister was injured and had to get stapels ( why not stitches i dunno... who uses staples!?!?) in hear head.... but overall she was fine... just a lil bit roughed up....
and oddly enough..... the love bug seems to be spreading around among members of our church.... well the adults in particular...... my jundo(pastor) steve just hooked up with this really cool girl who just moved hear from colorado and is now attending wesley seminary.... and... dun dun dun our praise leader minjae just proposed last saturday to his gf! im so excited for both... the future seems so promising for them!

hmm... school has been more of the same...... except im a second semester senior now! so its been a lil bit more carefree.... and ontop of that ive gotten an abbreviated schedule where i get out of school at 12:25 cuz i take a college class at a local community college (intro to religion) on mondays and wednesdays... so basically on tuesday, thursday, and friday... i just do a whole lotta chilln. hahaha.... hmm... also i got my first semester report card back and it really wasnt too hot.... 2.4.... and... well my parents were not at all pleased.... i didnt think they'd mind since it doesnt really matter for colleges ne more... but apparantly they really do care heh... well im just gonna have to show em that i can do well still despite the senioritis so that they are comforted i wont screw up in college like ive done in high school.... its been a lil tense around the house lately but..... its ok ive been praying about it and i feel like ive got it locked down....

oh yea... what did u give up for lent? if you know me personally please keep me accountable... ive decided to limit the number of times i eat out to TWO during the season of lent and also i am using the internet 2 hours MAX per day.... it may still sound like a lot but for me its a struggle haha... im kind of an internet junkie... online wayyyyyyyy too much... and for those of you who would like me to keep YOU accountable let me know, we're all in this together!

so how have things been going on in my life otherwise?
well.... if uve been keeping up and for those of you ive been talking to about this.... i dunno whether or not its due to just naturual means (meaning passing time) or i just changed or what.... but the girl i had been so pressed over and was getting really frustrated because i was pressed, has started to fade from my mind... i really dont feel that URGENT attraction type thing... i no longer have her dwelling on my mind 24-7..... and i guess im relieved... same time i dunno if ive given up on something that had the potential to be an awesome thing?..... either way its ok..... im 17 bah... ill just continue to pray on the subject... ne wayz what reminded me of all this is a song by vanessa carlton that jiheon recommended to me "a thousand miles"... its really quite good and the full copy of the lyrics are in my info on AIM (majaflavaz) but basically the part that hit me was:

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me

goooooooooood ish... hit the spot... reminded me a lot of where i was but a mere month or so ago..... (this is a side note... but there is a POSSIBLE, new prospect on the horizon, im really quite unsure of what to make of things, but its another wait and see situation)..... u know waht? i really need to stop with the girl crazyiness.... its becoming too out of control haha...

a big theme lately has been how a lot of ppl i know have felt the struggles of life and that they are falling away from their faith.... so i wrote this in dedication to all of you...

“trust in the lord, lean not on your understanding….
… and he will make your paths straight”
(proverbs 3:56")

our spiritual walk should never be motionless/
that’s why we go-thru-tests cuz god knows-its-best/
often we hope-for-less struggles cuz we loathe-the-mess/
but god’s the only one who know’s when we’re supposed-to-rest/
there will be times when ya feel the holiness n ya spiritual growths-intense/
but at other times you’ll feel down and surrounded only by loneliness/
but sooner or later youll always know-your-blessed/

…cuz
when life seems out-of-wack & your surrounded by a clouded-past/
when ya thought ya problems were gone and now-its-back/
and your tempted to run away from em, & take the cowards-track/
let god take you to the plate and teach you how-to-bat/
cuz its too easy in life to fall into evil powers-trap/
how foul-is-that!?… now is the time to shout-the-fact/
that ya salvation is the key to living a life without-the-bad/
as the seconds, minutes and hours-pass, remember god’s by-ya-side/
this is something u can neither deny-or-hide/
cuz knows when inside-you-sigh or why-you-cry/
so lift it up to him & trust him to light-ya-life/
because he’ll bring you comfort when the timings-right/

i hope it touched some of you in some way......
a fellow lyricist commented on how my style has become very apparant.... and how i should experiement......... its a well noted critical comment and im gonna work on it... so be prepared for some changes in the way i write in the future ^^

well..... that's all for now i suppose........ as always feel free to email me. aim me... whatever.... peace!

hey~

for the first time in a long time ive actually started to receive compliments from my teachers... i forgot what it felt like since it hasnt happened in so long, seriously haha, even though its the last week of the second marking period of my last important semester, i just started putting in a lot more effort in my work now.... woohoo! =)

if any of you have the resources and the knowhow to do so.. download a song from park ji yoon's new album... its track 12.... it features willa ford the title is nastified.... its quite fun to listen to, its not THAT great of a song but park ji yoon has fairly good english and she and willa switch off a lot so u get to hear them both... its pretty funny how park ji yoon has taken on willa's style in this song.... that edgy hard girly pop style u know waht i mean? other notable korean releases recently are this new gropu called 5tion (Oh-tion, OCEAN) get it? dumb name but nice album..... and this one guy named rich... peep em if u got the time... in terms of american songs, i know im late but.... the world's greatest is SUCH A GOOD SONG....... im lovn it right now

im gonna go ahead and name my top 10 fav songs of 2001 (they may not have necessarily came out in 2001)
10. This is a tie between two tupac songs.... Unconditional Love and Life Goes On, these are the slow hip hop chill type of songs that just get me in the mood to sit back and chill
9.LifeHouse - Hanging By A Moment, although they wont come out as full on jesus freaks, i enjoy their subtle messages of christianity in their songs, and this song was just SO DARN CATCHY
8. 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite, this was was just so darn catchy i never got sick of it
7. 2000 mp hip hop project - Cho; even this came out in 2000, i listened to this track so much in 2001, its one of my fav hip hop songs of all time
6. CB Mass - movement II, this was just incredibly tite
5. As One - Mama, such a graet song and a wonderful dedication to all mothers out there
4. Brown Eyes - BuhSuhl 1Nyun, most ppl know this song already... if you dont... shame on you!, its an incredibly great song
3. Utada Hikaru - First Love, this song NEVER gets old......
2. Mountain Brothers - Galaxies; one of the greatest hip hop songs of all time..... by asians representing in the US
1. S Club 7 - never had a dream..... call me a teeny bopper but im sorry, i think this has to be one of the catchiest ballads ever.... and its so soothing

as u can tell, ive been listening to a lot of music hahaha

k well im bored, i dont have much else to say... maybe later tata

good evening everyone~
it's thursday evening.... almost friday.. but its not hehe
guess what? ive got some good news, i am literally 99% due with my college apps, i just have to write one more essay for v-tech, then submit it online, i think i may do that tonite... hehe well now that the whole app process is almost done and out of the way ill list the schools i applied to, give a lil description and also what i wrote about for the essay's

University of California (Berkley, Irvine, Davis) - As you can tell, since i applied to THREE california campuses, i really want to go there haha, berkley i really dont have a chance, but its a long shot, Irvine and Davis... its actually pretty unlikely but i have a greater chance then Berkley... for the essay, it was just a random personal statement, so i wrote about my experiences with Christian Hip Hop (BTW, california has the HARDEST APP, its pretty compicated, i did a paper app)

University of Colorado at Boulder - This school looked really nice and had a very high acceptance rate and is also a pretty decent school, so it appealed to me... i used the same essay as the california school's (this was on paper as well)

University of Virginia - this is another SUPER reach school, with my very very modest gpa... and that's putting it nicely, but it was prob one of the more challenging apps for me due to the NUMEROUS essays... i wrote about my fav word (had to make one up, ended up with speechless), i also wrote about some form of art or science that has affected me (i used a qoute by DC Talk), and lastly I had a 500 word personal statement to write, and i was sick of thinkign so i just wrote about my fav kinda girl haha, i wonder how they will take that..... ( i did this online)

University of North Carolina - This is another school that is a reach for me, plus the out of state rate is pretty low there, but oh well im giving it a shot, i wrote on a topic asking if i could start a college course, what would it be on, i said hip hop, and i also wrote about a challenging personal experience (this past summer's mission trip at Arizona) (i did this online too)

Pennsylvania State University - I have a feeling i MAY get in here but not the main campus, possibly one of the smaller ones, Im not sure if id want to go in that case, but anyhow, there was one brief essay asking for me to tell somethign about me that would make me stand out from the others, so i wrote about how i write and rap hip hop ( this was online as well)

Virginia Tech University - This app was prob the easiest of all of them, but i still have to submit it online and finish up the essay, but stil its the easiest one, I think i may get in here, and i wouldnt mind too much going there, and im still thinking as to what to write about

University of Maryland College Park - Last but not least, the home schools, I think ill get in here, if i dont... then boo for me... i really rather not go so close to home tho, but anyhow i just recycled my california essay with some minor adjustments (did it online)

University of Maryland Baltimore County - This app was fairly simple with a brief essay response, I chose to write on the quote "life is short, art is long"... (paper app)

wow... i applied to ten schools... haha if i do not get into any of them, it's only because of my GPA..... so u can get an idea as to how low it really is.... so let this be a lesson learned for all you underclass man... DO YOUR WORK! DONT SLACK OFF! and STOP PROCRASTINATING..... it killed me.... aish... hopefully ill get in somewhere.... other than maryland too..... but u know what they say.... beggars cant be choosers

hmm anyhow... what else is happening with me.... ok well as i wrote this i just decided.... im gonna start to go through some self improvements... perhaps im a week or so behind for new yrs resolutions, but better late than never right? for those of you who can, and are reading this, please keep me accountable for the following

1) follow my discipleship covenant, even though its not finished, but whatever we have put down so far
2) dont let myself slide too much second semester
3) start working out as soon as finals are over

if you have any other's for me, id very much appreciate if you honestly told me ^^

sometimes i think i make my entries too long, or at least they seem that way because the column is so thin.... but oh well haha, im not sure if this is meant more for ppl to read or more for me to just babble on and on and waist my time....

well guess what everyone...... i'm not in such a mushy lovey dovey mood so much anymore like i have been for the past month or so... haha lately i've been wanting a relationship pretty badly, and the fact that ive become attracted to some1 that seemed, i dunno so promising? i cant really explain, but it was my first real REAL attraction in a while, i mean since the beg of summer ive had the superficial, light kind of crush where im jockn some girl, cuz she's cute or cuz my hormones have nothing better to do, but it wasnt quite like that in this case.... i guess it show's in my past entries, i always sound so down or something when i talk about this stuff haha oh well.... now im not sure if its cuz i dont care as much, if the attraction is starting to fade.... or its jsut temporarily sub sided or something, but I havent been like pressed over her lately, I mean i do really enjoy her company and conversing with her and what not, but its no longer.... "crap, how do i stop thinking about her, crap stop it... newt....... stop it!... ok i think i.... DOH!" hahahaha.... i think overall this is a very good thing for me... well it is as long as one thing doesnt happen..... this fades completely and i fall for some1 else... that would suck, id much rather stay jockn this current yuj then some other random girl...... i think the best case scenario would be.... my darn testosterone calms down until college... hehe

k ill shut up now... im tired of typing....
later alligator

hey... long time no update eh?.... well sorry for the lack of updates but yea, ive been lazy.... hmmm i guess ill open today's entry with a short piece i wrote, the theme is "undying love"... me and my friend were planning on spitting this piece at a retreat this past winter break but yea, it fell through so i no longer need to hide it in secrecy.... i hope this speaks to some of you....

his love goes on and on forever, like energizer/
even when we turn away, and think men are wiser/
he heals our wounds and nurses us when our lives hurt/
his love’ll clean the dirt of your palms, like hand sanitizer/
unlike man, whom attempts to live forever, but dies trying/
God’s love cant be stopped, its like time flying/
you can say your fine, but your heart and mind’s crying/
and you may never know why, so you just try to lie smiling/
it may seem like during ya darkest times, God disappears/
but he never left ya side, just in da dark, all isn’t clear/
but his spirit is like your shadow, it may not always appear/
you may feel abandoned, when travelin life’s hallways in fear/
but when the light shines again, you’ll just fall into tears/
cuz when the shadow reappears, u’ll know that thru it all he was near/
imagine never reaching a busy signal, as you make a call/
imagine never having mail returned, cuz the address was gone/
imagine never not being heard, cuz you were the last one to talk/
imagine never running out of toilet paper, (now that’s worst of all)/
now that’s what His love is like, so big, it fathoms the stars/
what never dies and lives forever? His love’ll last through it all/

aight i guess my last entry left off a lil bit after thanksgiving... since then not much has happened... uhm i guess winter break finally crept up and the holiday season began... for the first time in months i just got to hang out whenever i wanted... haha it was a good break, christmas came and went.... the retreat came, lots of funny memories... it was prob the most educating retreat ive ever had... although it didnt put my "spirits" on fire...... but i did learn a lot about myself and where i stand at this retreat...i dont have too many experiences like that... usually its all about the faith at the retreat......

well i guess i might as well venture on into my faith in general... i guess i havnt had a "spiritual high", since last winter retreat, and well i havnt been having lows either, its jsut ive been quite...unmoving.... haha, and i guess ive just sorta grown to miss it and tired of waiting for the next big thing, and perhaps its caused me to lose motivation to pursue my faith, the retreat helped me to see that, and i guess it reassured me that eventuallly, god will work in his own time, so i have to keep my head up right?... haha so i guess those of you reading this, just pray that i contine to strive to be close with god.....regardless of waht else is going on, because yea, i geuss its just been discouraging when ur so accustomed to the highs at least a cuople times a yr, but for a whole year you dont experience on.... its definnatly something new ive been dealing with....

whats up with college eh?, well i guess im 80-90% done with apps.... woohoo! haha, and im beggining to not care as much so im just kinda having fun with the essays... for one of the essays i just wrote about my fav kinda girl... i wonder what the admissions comittee will think of that hahaha, anyways im just hoping ONE of the TEN places i applied will take me in...

so what else has been going on my life? over break i just did a lot of chilling, i went to visit my VA friends as well... and i just had a stressfree week i suppose.... or at least for the most part, i basically cant wait for 2nd semester, when everything matters so much less

lately i guess ive also been thinking about friendships more... im really gonna miss my friends when and if i go away to college.... they always help me to forget about my stress and problems when im with them, and they help me to just kick it back and have fun, esp since some of the funniest moments happen with them.... whether it be dance, fart, or just plain stupid related fun...

i guess i might as well talk about my current throughts of the moment on everyone's FAVORITE subject...... looooooooooove........
right now im torn..... im sick of wanting that relationship, yet i cant get sick enough of it to the point where i dont want it anymore.... i guess im sick of the whole "relationship" schpeel because i NEVER seem to get anywhere, i mean i know what happens is probably for a reason, but sometiems you know, i just WISH i could get somewhere with some of the ppl i begin to fall for.. i dunno maybe its just cuz im sick of always reassuring myself that if it doesnt happen, then its all in god's plan and that i should shrug it off....... but of course i dont want to shrug it off..... especially when i know ive found some1 who is totally different, incredibly fun to be with, and just some1 that i could share something special with, you know what i mean? *sigh* but alas, life does indeed go on..... so im doing what i always do, wait for it to pass, wait for college... whatever..... u know, i also think nothing ever happens because of something about my personality.... most girls are incredibly friendly to me and we often become good friends quite fast, but i think there is something about me that deems me "safe" or something, like i could never be attracted to them... its an interesting phenomenon, and i guess it works out for the best, and most of the time im fine with being their good friend, even when it comes to just being graet friends with a girl i may like at the time... but what gets to me the most is when that certain some1 is down.... when they need some1 to be there... not just a friend.... when they need some1 closer to hold them and help them back up.... and i cant reach out and offer my hand because im not that some1.... and what im left with is doing my best in the position of that "friend" they will always have.... but i know sometimes, sometimes they need more than just a friend to be there for them... bah oh well.... hopefully in college or wherever, ill be able to find waht i need and want, and be able to have that......

well anyways i guess that's all i feel like typing for now cuz its freezing and my fingers are about to fall off.... soo until next time...... bye

ps.... those of you who go to QO....... 93 amazing days left until graduation!......

yea yea, its been forever since i last updated.... not really all that much has been going on heh.....

i dont even know who reads this.... do you? cuz sometiems even I forget about it puhaha... eh oh well i guess here's the rundown of the past month

ive been quite bz.... with college apps and what not, especially this past week, seeing how most of my apps are due by this friday (the 14th) into my school's registrar.... so yea its starting to become crunch time... those of you out there, please try to pray for me and that all goes well aight?

aight basically im done with standarized testing for my entire life! yippee! i finished off my last batch of sat II's and everything this past month so now more sat's.... its a good feeling... cant wait until apps are outta the way.. that'll be an even better feeling hehe.....

school wise... its been fluctuating.. .actually i started to revert to old habits and what not so my grades started to slip... but im getting on top of it... i actually got intirims in several of my classes but yea, im confident i can pull em up as long as i dont lose focus... i only need to hold on a few more months... then second semester i can just glide through! yippee... haha...

in terms of things happening out of school.... not much... just church stuff... oh yes we had a turkey bowl at the end of november, my church didnt do too hot, but we did respectable for our team who was much younger and less experienced then many of the other churches.. although we didnt win much, we didnt have anything to be ashamed of either...

christmas is coming up.... and there were three birhtdays i had to take care of this week... my money is draining fast hahaha.... by the end of the month i wont have much left.... here's where i stand at this moment.....

75 bux..... at the start
but i have to get a friend a gift cuz im his/her (haha) secrent santa so... -20
which leaves me at 50... but i still owe my friend 10 for a painting he is painting for my parents.. so that leaves me at 40... i have about 20 dollars in bday gifts i need to purchase.. leaving me at 20...
then at church.... i have one more secret santa thing going on... lets say 10...
so if i budget myself well... MAYBE.. JUST MAYBE i can get away with 10 dollars left over... probably not though.... cuz i know some ppl are gonna creep up on me.... and i wont have any money left for them ahha....

i guess im gonna have to get creative for some ppl's gifts... time to brain storm....

hmm what else would you like to know about my life as of right now?..... oh yes of course.. girls girls girls.... i guess basically.... absolutely postively nothing at all is going on.... im not exactly a chick magnet but its all good... i know all in god's time... hahah just gotta get patient... but in terms of how im feeling towards any particular girl... lets just say im fairly well head over heels for this one girl, and have been for quite some time... but i realized lately its been getting much better and im not so pressed hehe...hopefully by the new yr ill just have a clean slate!..... and oh yea im in the library writing this right now at this moment.... and there is a very very cute girl sitting a couple tables away... too bad she looks like she's in college or maybe id try picking a girl up for the first time... haha learning how to flirt with new girls is something on my to do list b4 i go of to college... i must be well prepared... puhaha just kidding... or am i? o.O hahha... sorry i guess im sorta tired....

ok well that's all i can think of offa the top of my head.... increase the peace.... just do it.... eat your vegetables..... love your neighbor... remember to think b4 talking.... and for the guys dont let the toilet seat fall down while your taking a wizz... it'll hurt... k that's it for now... im out tata until next time...

same newty time (not really).. same newty channel