a lil something to listen to while you read. a remake of of 'waiting for you' done by a member of tae-hwan.com

-or-

im not sure who the composer is... possibly yuri herself, but either way this track can be found on her album.

both are good listens... your choice..

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ultimately, its easy to go through the day busy. sure it may be hectic, confusing, frustrating, even undesired at times but in the end it serves as a distraction. i was gonna try to say everything in a poetic form, but nah, not today, that's now how i want to be expressed. im not sure what exactly i have to say, but whatever it is, it is not deserving of an elegant form of prose or execution. simply put, this wasnt meant to be easy. I understand this of course, which is why im not angry. But as it has been stated so many times before, the mind and spirit is strong, but the body and flesh is weak.

solitude is scary sometimes. It allows you to analyze everything because you have nothing else to draw you away from your thoughts. While clearly, there are those who take advantage of this time to reflect, others simply never recognize that they are living without thinking some things through. There are also the extremes however, those who dwell in singularity, becase that is all that is familiar to them. It kind of makes me angry to see certain individuals close to me act in such a foolish way, when we both know that they are more experienced and knowledgable then that. human interactions however, are interesting in that, we often choose to ignore the better paths. I realize that, THAT single statement can apply to so much. Self deception has got to be one of the worst things someone can do. Not to say it is a crime against mankind, or anything extreme as that. But generally, they are misleading them selves, all for the sake of contentness. Of course I've done this, im not even going to question that, in fact every single day I find myself coming in and out of this rediculous mindstate. Our abilities to rationalize have just become so disturbingly influential in our critical thinking processes that its almost become one with our mentalities; almost to the point where it is hard to distinguish when we are excusing ourselves and we arent.

For me, my main problem is not owning up to the truth when it comes to my overall attitude. In my state of mind, there is always a 'later' to fix things, study, or prepare, pray, help, love and so on. But that is changing. Some things need to happen when they need to happen, and I need to recognize when I am fooling myself into a false state of contentness. As time goes on, I believe I am improving, but... its a long way to go.

There are others though, for whom I am genuinly concerned. I see your pictures, and you are smiling, while at the same time... when you are alone, are you? No one is happy all the time, yes I know, but are you supposed to be unhappy everytime no one is there to see a smile? It seems that way for some people. Not to say they are seeking comfort in popularity, but it is apparant they are only letting themselves be distracted from the deeper problems when they have people around them. The one thing Ive learned in the past year or so is, you can only run for so long. Can I ask us all something? Why are we in this/doing it/living for? This world is not going to keep us happy.

so now what?
-dag, that went in a completely different direction than i thought it was gonna go in the beginning-

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other thoughts:
sometimes, its just so hard to forget about it and let it be. this is kind of taking abnormally long, its never been this long before.
*shrugs*
take care ok?