hello my peoples...

long time since the last update... i know.... and this is prob gonna be a riduculously long post, so long ill prob lose the few of you who read this b4 u can complete ... but haha... its all good.....

alot has been going on lately...... well i had finished the college process completely last month and ive heard back from 2 schools..... and im 2 for 2! haha yippee... so far ive gotten into penn state and umbc... hopefully they keep coming so that i have some choices to make.... college park seems to be incredibly hard this yr and since i didnt make priority deadline i dunno if i got in or not.. and im very unsure at this point if i will or not... oh well we'll just have to see.. the next colleges ill hear from are likely to be my cali schools so WISH ME LUCK, god how im sweatn cali at the moment... hahaha well that's all the college new for now

at church..... its been an eventful month or so..... our church had this coffeehouse night type event and it was pretty successful... my va friends came up (thanks again lily, hanna, diana, and my new friends sue and sang, and also the other guys who came up who i didnt quite get to meet, sorry).... also i performed a piece entitled "what am i without you?".. its basically a song i wrote to the beat of the roots "you got me" instrumental.... it seemed like a lot of ppl enjoyed it and i thank god for allowing me to spread his essence through hip hop...

here's the lyrics:

What Am I Without You?

Chorus: (0:01)
Ya showed me your loving grace
Your love is so beautiful
Ya always keep me safe
What am I without you?

Youll never turn your back
Even when ive turned mine
You forgave my past
What am I without yout?

Verse1: (0:25)
There’s no denying your existence/
Despite other people’s persistence/
That your fake & the bible is just a bunch of misprints/
Those are the people who live only for this instant/
Too bad they don’t know what they’re missing/
(pause)
I’ve felt you touch my heart before/
I’ve seen you soften those with a hardened core/
I’ve seen people scream where are ya lord/
When all along you were at their heart, knocking on their door/
You’ve helped me up in my darkest hour of need/
I try to find my roots, not realizing you are the tree/
Sometimes its seems too hard to believe/
That you’re always there, towering over me/
Ya love is the only thing that can help me over power greed/
Lust, sin & temptation, and keep em locked up in the basement/
Cuz if I love the world its like getting only a sample tasting/
But the lord provides all the flavors of joy at once, what a sensation/
I love you god, king of kings, master of all creation/
Im here to make a statement/
Who am I without you?
Where am I without you?
What am I without you?

Chorus (1:12)

Verse 2: (1:36)
There are those who cant take that leap of faith/
Some of us have doubts, our hearts are in a weakened state/
The world’s blinded us with flashy temptations that leave us dazed/
So we need a shake to open our eyes to help us keep awake/
Even if ya made a big mistake/
Lift it up to god, he’ll clean ya slate/
In terms of god in your life, it may seem vague/
Because you have never seen his face/
But like the wind, you can still feel him, you can feel his grace/
And receive a taste of things to come, its of what dreams are made/
Even if ya heart has stiffened/
God can make ya life different/
Even if ya ambitions driven/
By plain curiousity or if you seek to be forgiven/
Just pray, let your heart listen/
And follow the sound of god calling you/
Don’t worry he’ll guide and catch you if you fall too/
Remember in all you do or what ever situation you fall into/
don’t sweat it, god has your salvation predrawn for you/

Chorus (2:24)

Verse 3: (2:47)
To say I know the greatest love of all is an understatement/
It’s a no brainer, no need to spend time wondering or pacing/
We are his children, whom the holy one’s embracing/
He’ll never forsake us, take joy in this wondrous statement/
This calls for a celebration/
Whether on your own or with hundreds craving/
A thunderous raining down of his cascading love/
Come participate in the trading of/
Ya sorrows and pain, unless you don’t think your ashamed enough/
Or game enough to admit your faults, you can keep playing tough/
Ya missing out on free love, don’t worry cuz god’s made enough/
Be joyful cuz god saved ya butt/
And come shout his name with ya hands thrown up/

Chorus (repeated until and) (3:23)
Verse 4 (performed concurrently with sung chorus): (3:47)
his love goes on and on forever, like energizer/
even when we turn away, and think men are wiser/
he heals our wounds and nurses us when our lives hurt/
his love’ll clean the dirt of your palms, like hand sanitizer/
unlike man, whom attempts to live forever, but dies trying/
God’s love cant be stopped, its like time flying/
you can say your fine, but your heart and mind’s crying/
and you may never know why, so you just try to lie smiling/
it may seem like during ya darkest times, God disappears/
but he never left ya side, just in da dark, all isn’t clear/
but his spirit is like your shadow, it may not always appear/
you may feel abandoned, when travelin life’s hallways in fear/
but when the light shines again, you’ll just fall into tears/
cuz when the shadow reappears, u’ll know that thru it all he was near/
imagine never reaching a busy signal, as you make a call/
imagine never having mail returned, cuz the address was gone/
imagine never not being heard, cuz you were the last one to talk/
imagine never running out of toilet paper, (now that’s worst of all)/
now that’s what His love is like, so big, it fathoms the stars/
what never dies and lives forever? His love’ll last through it all/

hmm..... also at church we had a ski trip..... it was a lot of fun but unfortunately my sister was injured and had to get stapels ( why not stitches i dunno... who uses staples!?!?) in hear head.... but overall she was fine... just a lil bit roughed up....
and oddly enough..... the love bug seems to be spreading around among members of our church.... well the adults in particular...... my jundo(pastor) steve just hooked up with this really cool girl who just moved hear from colorado and is now attending wesley seminary.... and... dun dun dun our praise leader minjae just proposed last saturday to his gf! im so excited for both... the future seems so promising for them!

hmm... school has been more of the same...... except im a second semester senior now! so its been a lil bit more carefree.... and ontop of that ive gotten an abbreviated schedule where i get out of school at 12:25 cuz i take a college class at a local community college (intro to religion) on mondays and wednesdays... so basically on tuesday, thursday, and friday... i just do a whole lotta chilln. hahaha.... hmm... also i got my first semester report card back and it really wasnt too hot.... 2.4.... and... well my parents were not at all pleased.... i didnt think they'd mind since it doesnt really matter for colleges ne more... but apparantly they really do care heh... well im just gonna have to show em that i can do well still despite the senioritis so that they are comforted i wont screw up in college like ive done in high school.... its been a lil tense around the house lately but..... its ok ive been praying about it and i feel like ive got it locked down....

oh yea... what did u give up for lent? if you know me personally please keep me accountable... ive decided to limit the number of times i eat out to TWO during the season of lent and also i am using the internet 2 hours MAX per day.... it may still sound like a lot but for me its a struggle haha... im kind of an internet junkie... online wayyyyyyyy too much... and for those of you who would like me to keep YOU accountable let me know, we're all in this together!

so how have things been going on in my life otherwise?
well.... if uve been keeping up and for those of you ive been talking to about this.... i dunno whether or not its due to just naturual means (meaning passing time) or i just changed or what.... but the girl i had been so pressed over and was getting really frustrated because i was pressed, has started to fade from my mind... i really dont feel that URGENT attraction type thing... i no longer have her dwelling on my mind 24-7..... and i guess im relieved... same time i dunno if ive given up on something that had the potential to be an awesome thing?..... either way its ok..... im 17 bah... ill just continue to pray on the subject... ne wayz what reminded me of all this is a song by vanessa carlton that jiheon recommended to me "a thousand miles"... its really quite good and the full copy of the lyrics are in my info on AIM (majaflavaz) but basically the part that hit me was:

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me

goooooooooood ish... hit the spot... reminded me a lot of where i was but a mere month or so ago..... (this is a side note... but there is a POSSIBLE, new prospect on the horizon, im really quite unsure of what to make of things, but its another wait and see situation)..... u know waht? i really need to stop with the girl crazyiness.... its becoming too out of control haha...

a big theme lately has been how a lot of ppl i know have felt the struggles of life and that they are falling away from their faith.... so i wrote this in dedication to all of you...

“trust in the lord, lean not on your understanding….
… and he will make your paths straight”
(proverbs 3:56")

our spiritual walk should never be motionless/
that’s why we go-thru-tests cuz god knows-its-best/
often we hope-for-less struggles cuz we loathe-the-mess/
but god’s the only one who know’s when we’re supposed-to-rest/
there will be times when ya feel the holiness n ya spiritual growths-intense/
but at other times you’ll feel down and surrounded only by loneliness/
but sooner or later youll always know-your-blessed/

…cuz
when life seems out-of-wack & your surrounded by a clouded-past/
when ya thought ya problems were gone and now-its-back/
and your tempted to run away from em, & take the cowards-track/
let god take you to the plate and teach you how-to-bat/
cuz its too easy in life to fall into evil powers-trap/
how foul-is-that!?… now is the time to shout-the-fact/
that ya salvation is the key to living a life without-the-bad/
as the seconds, minutes and hours-pass, remember god’s by-ya-side/
this is something u can neither deny-or-hide/
cuz knows when inside-you-sigh or why-you-cry/
so lift it up to him & trust him to light-ya-life/
because he’ll bring you comfort when the timings-right/

i hope it touched some of you in some way......
a fellow lyricist commented on how my style has become very apparant.... and how i should experiement......... its a well noted critical comment and im gonna work on it... so be prepared for some changes in the way i write in the future ^^

well..... that's all for now i suppose........ as always feel free to email me. aim me... whatever.... peace!