hey... long time no update eh?.... well sorry for the lack of updates but yea, ive been lazy.... hmmm i guess ill open today's entry with a short piece i wrote, the theme is "undying love"... me and my friend were planning on spitting this piece at a retreat this past winter break but yea, it fell through so i no longer need to hide it in secrecy.... i hope this speaks to some of you....
his love goes on and on forever, like energizer/
even when we turn away, and think men are wiser/
he heals our wounds and nurses us when our lives hurt/
his love’ll clean the dirt of your palms, like hand sanitizer/
unlike man, whom attempts to live forever, but dies trying/
God’s love cant be stopped, its like time flying/
you can say your fine, but your heart and mind’s crying/
and you may never know why, so you just try to lie smiling/
it may seem like during ya darkest times, God disappears/
but he never left ya side, just in da dark, all isn’t clear/
but his spirit is like your shadow, it may not always appear/
you may feel abandoned, when travelin life’s hallways in fear/
but when the light shines again, you’ll just fall into tears/
cuz when the shadow reappears, u’ll know that thru it all he was near/
imagine never reaching a busy signal, as you make a call/
imagine never having mail returned, cuz the address was gone/
imagine never not being heard, cuz you were the last one to talk/
imagine never running out of toilet paper, (now that’s worst of all)/
now that’s what His love is like, so big, it fathoms the stars/
what never dies and lives forever? His love’ll last through it all/
aight i guess my last entry left off a lil bit after thanksgiving... since then not much has happened... uhm i guess winter break finally crept up and the holiday season began... for the first time in months i just got to hang out whenever i wanted... haha it was a good break, christmas came and went.... the retreat came, lots of funny memories... it was prob the most educating retreat ive ever had... although it didnt put my "spirits" on fire...... but i did learn a lot about myself and where i stand at this retreat...i dont have too many experiences like that... usually its all about the faith at the retreat......
well i guess i might as well venture on into my faith in general... i guess i havnt had a "spiritual high", since last winter retreat, and well i havnt been having lows either, its jsut ive been quite...unmoving.... haha, and i guess ive just sorta grown to miss it and tired of waiting for the next big thing, and perhaps its caused me to lose motivation to pursue my faith, the retreat helped me to see that, and i guess it reassured me that eventuallly, god will work in his own time, so i have to keep my head up right?... haha so i guess those of you reading this, just pray that i contine to strive to be close with god.....regardless of waht else is going on, because yea, i geuss its just been discouraging when ur so accustomed to the highs at least a cuople times a yr, but for a whole year you dont experience on.... its definnatly something new ive been dealing with....
whats up with college eh?, well i guess im 80-90% done with apps.... woohoo! haha, and im beggining to not care as much so im just kinda having fun with the essays... for one of the essays i just wrote about my fav kinda girl... i wonder what the admissions comittee will think of that hahaha, anyways im just hoping ONE of the TEN places i applied will take me in...
so what else has been going on my life? over break i just did a lot of chilling, i went to visit my VA friends as well... and i just had a stressfree week i suppose.... or at least for the most part, i basically cant wait for 2nd semester, when everything matters so much less
lately i guess ive also been thinking about friendships more... im really gonna miss my friends when and if i go away to college.... they always help me to forget about my stress and problems when im with them, and they help me to just kick it back and have fun, esp since some of the funniest moments happen with them.... whether it be dance, fart, or just plain stupid related fun...
i guess i might as well talk about my current throughts of the moment on everyone's FAVORITE subject...... looooooooooove........
right now im torn..... im sick of wanting that relationship, yet i cant get sick enough of it to the point where i dont want it anymore.... i guess im sick of the whole "relationship" schpeel because i NEVER seem to get anywhere, i mean i know what happens is probably for a reason, but sometiems you know, i just WISH i could get somewhere with some of the ppl i begin to fall for.. i dunno maybe its just cuz im sick of always reassuring myself that if it doesnt happen, then its all in god's plan and that i should shrug it off....... but of course i dont want to shrug it off..... especially when i know ive found some1 who is totally different, incredibly fun to be with, and just some1 that i could share something special with, you know what i mean? *sigh* but alas, life does indeed go on..... so im doing what i always do, wait for it to pass, wait for college... whatever..... u know, i also think nothing ever happens because of something about my personality.... most girls are incredibly friendly to me and we often become good friends quite fast, but i think there is something about me that deems me "safe" or something, like i could never be attracted to them... its an interesting phenomenon, and i guess it works out for the best, and most of the time im fine with being their good friend, even when it comes to just being graet friends with a girl i may like at the time... but what gets to me the most is when that certain some1 is down.... when they need some1 to be there... not just a friend.... when they need some1 closer to hold them and help them back up.... and i cant reach out and offer my hand because im not that some1.... and what im left with is doing my best in the position of that "friend" they will always have.... but i know sometimes, sometimes they need more than just a friend to be there for them... bah oh well.... hopefully in college or wherever, ill be able to find waht i need and want, and be able to have that......
well anyways i guess that's all i feel like typing for now cuz its freezing and my fingers are about to fall off.... soo until next time...... bye
ps.... those of you who go to QO....... 93 amazing days left until graduation!......