i dont think i've ever been so uncomfortable in my life.
it's not the kind of uncomfortable that comes from akward social situations and what not...
it's just my soul isnt settled. It's getting a lot better than before, but still, there are issues I know i have to deal with head on... and things i just have to become adjusted with. but it's hard. it's going to be hard. somethings may even hurt a bit. but I will press on. I have confidence that there will be peace... either I have to change, or something else has to change... maybe both.

I do know this though... im running out of time.

Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

----
yea its been posted once, but ill post it again..

this time, ive made up my mind
this time, im back on my grind
i know theres things in my life that imma let go starting tonight
i cant live my
i cant live my
i cant live my life this way.
-this way, dilated peoples ft kanye west

im so close to doing it right....

but even closer to giving up.

...
i've felt better.

ok so i give anyone permission to shoot me. why?
cuz i started watching a korean drama, something i've sworn to myself i would never do.
ok, so which one you might ask? maybe its something really different that not too many people know about.
well.. not exactly.

it's a lil something called stairway to heaven. what kind of sappy teeny bopper have i become. (no offense to those who like it haha)

anyways, shoot me.

okok, before you do let me say something though.

miahnheh.

yea well that's that....
----
.edit.

lifehouse has done it again for me...
thanks to hansel for giving me the album so many months ago.

this time what i want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
i've seen it all
it was never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

*take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away

I try to make my way to you
but still i feel so lost
I don't know what else i can do
cause i've seen it all
it was never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you *

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who i am
i know i'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone
-take me away, lifehouse

yea ive been worse but ive also been much better than this/
heh, whatever this is, its not really letting me live/
its got my head in a twist, a burden way too heavy to lift/
and now i steadily drift and im just about ready to give...
UP! yea thats where id certainly prefer my spirits to be/
but i feel like im nearing defeat and so im here on my knees...



i dunno what to do, could You show Your face and voice?/
otherwise i think im screwed, cuz i could never make this choice/
so i gotta face the noise, cuz in life, there isn't always music/
i wanna start from where You are, and also follow through it/

to be continued....

----
-edit-
once again, this one's for you....

Four Seasons Later (now times 2)
Hi-Fi

sometimes i wish i knew a way to communicate with you/
but i can only imagine, what you would say or do/
its hard to face the truth but im doing it now/
im looking at the sky speaking to you in the clouds/
and truly no doubt, i know you would be proud/
cuz ya familys being strong and still moving about/
but regardless of this, a big part of you lives/
in ya lil girl's soul, in the heart of ya miss/


i want you to know you're missed
i want you to know you're loved
we wont forget you.


it happened so quick, being attacked on ya shift/
if only we knew it'd be the last day you live/
people kept talkn and saying, how tragic it is/
to have another life taken by a gat and a clip/
but they didnt know about all the people you've touched/
or how your love could have equaled so much/
but if you could say one thing i know what it'd be/
to your son, daughter and husband in grief/
its that love doesnt need, to be said or be heard/
and that love doesnt need to be confessed with the words/
it can be felt by the heart and the soul/
which are the parts that you hold as part of your own/
and the older they grow, their hearts hardly alone/
cuz you're still here as their gaurdian of hope/
and as far as we know, this is far from the end/
cuz you can all be together in heaven again/


i want you to know you're missed
i want you to know you're loved
we wont forget you.


i will go on...
with you always in my heart


although you're gone...
you're still always in my heart



i will go on...
with you always in my heart
---

how time flies...
I hope you're doing well ms cho.